The Color of Grace

I love my kids so much. My three children teach me new things every day and remind me that the hastiness of life should not overrule the opportunity to splash in a puddle. Last night, my seven year old taught me the purest lesson on faith. On our way to the cabin, we encountered the worst thunderstorm that I had ever driven in. Torrential rainfall, blinding white lightning, the flashing of nearby hazard lights, and the sound of booming thunder surrounded us as we pressed onward driving no more than 15 miles per hour on the interstate. Pulling over was not an option as the road virtually disappeared around us- it was impossible to ascertain the shoulder or an exit ramp. My knuckles white, and my stomach in knots, I glanced nervously in my rear-view mirror to check on my daughter. Despite the severe storm and tornadic weather raging unceasingly around us, there she sat nestled softly in her pink blanket peacefully watching a movie (ironically, The Wizard of Oz!) eating graham crack

Every girl (and maybe guy) has her fight song, right? That song she can listen to when times are downright awful as well as that song she can dance to when she's on top of the world! For the past several months, my personal fight song was "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera but today I found a new anthem that keeps me grounded in my fight for healing, but also keeps my focused on the fact that God is my righteous right hook (something that Christina missed). Check this song out....it's definitely my newest fight song (although I may revisit Christina every now and again!). Danny Gokey's, "Comeback." BAM!

Infidelity is a curious and careless thing; adultery is a selfish choice that shakes families to their core. What drives one spouse to betray the other? What causes someone to consciously break a vow they took before God? I guess it's probably different in different situations but it is nonetheless destructive and cruel in every situation. In my experience, infidelity is caused by the blatant disregard and depersonalization of a partner. Thoughts about my spouse's affair consumed hours of my day and made me question my own value. How could someone who professed to love me deceive me in the most intimate way? What was so wrong with me that he looked outside of our marriage bed for an intense sexual and emotional connection? Yeah, I had gained a few pounds since we met and I occasionally stayed in my PJs all day... But was that enough to drive him away? In one word- NO. It took me hours of therapy and countless hours on my knees to realize that his affair had NOTHING to do with

This morning while mowing the grass, my mind seemingly wandered in search for truth, answers and healing. Five years ago I began to question myself and ultimately conceded to the spirit of powerlessness. I had given up, given in, and fundamentally given away my lioness. My spirit had been crushed, taunted, and abused: My body was worn, fragile, and broken: My mind was in chaos and my life in shambles. Emotional abandonment by my spouse had taken its toll on me and threatened to destroy my children. Nights spent curled in a heap on my bathroom floor became my norm, unabating tears became my solace. How often would I have to cry out to the LORD for vindication and release? The words of Psalm 61 became my anthem; “I’m calling out to you, my God. Can you hear me? I feel like I’m miles away from you! My heart is sore. Take me by the hand and lead me!” I begged God to change him (my husband). I pleaded….”God, please! I know you hate divorce, I know you want this family to survive